on Jane Friedman site:

Let’s say that you are writing a memoir, but you find you really can’t share some of the more interesting, memorable stories from your life.

For example, there’s that colorful first boyfriend of yours, the drug dealer. How can you write about that romance without describing how much of your time together was spent cleaning the seeds out of large quantities of marijuana? Or about his unfortunate habit of cheating on you?

It would make such a good story! But since your long-ago boyfriend is now a respected lawyer and small-town politician, it might be better not to smear him with your memories, true as they might be.

So you hold that memory back. But years later, long after you’ve published your memoir, the story of that old boyfriend is still buzzing around in your head like an annoying mosquito, never landing, but never leaving you in peace.

My advice?