Danny Trains Andrew (Again)

Danny Trains Andrew (Again)

Danny Smiles lll
Man oh man, did I have a restful sleep last night! Well, truth be known, the best part of my slumber was from 5:00 AM to about noon.

Hello fans o’ mine. It is I, Danny the Dog, here once again to regale you with my adventures.

I’m sure most of the planet knows me by now, but for those of you who live in the rain forest of Borneo, whenever the spirit moves me, I write about my adventures with my human. His name is Andrew and if he didn’t feed me every night, I wouldn’t mention him in my communiqués at all.

Andrew is so well trained that life has become somewhat boring. So about a week ago, I decided to spice things up a bit by throwing something new into the mix. And it turned out to be so much fun.

You see, Andrew is very, very indolent. If it were up to him, he’d live like Jabba-The-Hut. I mean he would stay in bed all day. Not that he would have a girl on a leash. Well, maybe—if he could get away with it. Why not? He keeps me on a leash!

Anyway, now to the fun part of my story.

Because Andrew is so lazy, he likes to sleep at least till mid-morning. You know, around 6:00 AM. I don’t really mind, I like to do the same; however, a week ago, I came up with a brilliant plan, if I do say so myself—and I do.

Danny Bath 01At this juncture, I must digress for a moment. You see, although I tolerate Andrew, I do not like sleeping with him. During the day, I have the bed all to myself, unless the lazy so-and-so decides to take a nap after a full day of doing nothing. Then I sigh, get up and go out to the galley (kitchen, to you landlubbers—we live on a boat). I like the floor there. It’s nice and cool. And of course, at night I sleep there. It’s better than sleeping with Andrew. Anything is better than sleeping with Andrew!

Okay, back to our story, already in progress.

This is now our life together. I wake up somewhere between 3:30 and 4:30 AM and start a low growl in the back of my throat. Then I start wagging my tail so that it hits the wall. The THUMP, THUMP, THUMP is enough to rouse the dead, let alone Andrew.

When I first started doing this, Andrew thought I wanted to go outside, so after cursing me under his breath (don’t think I didn’t hear that, Andrew!), he would get out of bed, get dressed, and open the door and go outside, expecting me to follow. He would stand there waiting for me to run out so I could do my “business.”

Instead, I made for the bed and stretched out, hogging it all for myself. This went on for a few days until Andrew got hip. But with the growling and tail wagging, he can’t sleep anyway. Now he is trained to get out of bed at my command and then I have it all to myself. He doesn’t mind too much. He says that at least he can get a little writing done while I’m sleeping.

Is he intimating that I interfere with his writing?

I’m allowing him the bed as I write these words. But in a few minutes, I’ll get him up and tell him to go to work. Someone has to write his stupid books, and I’m sure as heck not going to do it.

So that’s it. Not a heart-pounding or fur-raising story this time, but very informative if one wants to train one’s human.

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27 thoughts on “Danny Trains Andrew (Again)

  1. Danny, you have have a fan here. I get my human up between 2 and 4 AM to do my business, which means she has to crawl out of bed, go downstairs, find my leash (I like to run at night), go outside and wait for me to do whatever. But unlike your human, she goes back to bed, and blocks the stairs so I can’t come up and get her up around 6, which is my getting up time. Dog hugs, Angel.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Danny, my little dog Peri says you’re her hero. When she arrived as a puppy, I was working fulltime plus had kids to get off to school, so our day started at 5:00AM. Despite the fact that I’m retired and kids have their own kids now, she sees no reason to change that schedule. Sadly for Peri, she has no tail to thump so her method of owner-waking is to find a bit of my exposed skin—she’s partial to stomachs but lower back is quite effective as well—and apply a very cold wet nose. Repeatedly. Often with loud sighs and the occasional lick. But it’s SO much work to get me up, not to mention getting me to take care of her breakfast and walk, that she’s back in (my) bed by 6:00AM at the latest. It’s a tough job, but some dog’s just gotta do it.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Danny, you crack me up! What are you doing living on a boat and scrounging for turkey slices? You could be a canine-physicist or something and rake in enough dough to have your own mansion complete with servants. And BTW, have you applied to MENSA? I think I heard something about them admitting non-human applicants. And if I heard wrong, then they should be. Don’t mention any of this to Andrew, though. I wouldn’t want him to get the wrong idea 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    • Tina, oh yea of little faith. What makes you think I’m not a canine physicist? I know all about relativity—both general and special.

      Do you know that physicists have proven, mathematically at least, that there is no such thing as time and that we are living in a hologram? And if that is so, then what does anything matter? Look at it this way. We live in a dimension known as space-time. You cannot have one without the other. You cannot have time without space and you cannot have space without time. Right?

      Think of it this way. Space-time is a manifestation only of the physical plane. Off the physical plane, there is no space-time by definition. Correct?

      Okay. Now visualize this. If you were to look into a dimension of time-space from a dimension of non-time-space, meaning a non-physical universe, what would you see?

      What you would see is all time happening at once.

      Dwell on that, my friend.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Hey Danny, all I can say is that great minds think alike. I already know about the time-space continuum, and I’m glad to have a friend who does, too. There’s no such thing as past / present / future. There is only the now. As to us living in a hologram – that thought makes me feel claustrophobic as well as like a specimen under a microscope. I prefer to think that when we incarnate, we forget why we did so that we can learn the lessons we came here to learn, and that we’re confined only by the corporeal. So perhaps the physical body is the “hologram” rather than the universe itself. So glad we could have this little chat! Let’s do it again soon; it tends to get lonely at times out here on the astral plane 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • We don’t come here to “learn lessons.” We come to “remember” where we came from. Of course, we don’t remember past lives. If we did, there is no way that we could function. Imagine remembering being a female when you are now a male. Imagine remembering the time you slit that person’s throat. Imagine remembering all the murders and rapes you have committed as you evolved. Imagine remembering all the love ones from previous lives. As Jesus once said,” … when an old soul is about to come down … the Virgin Of Light … gives the old soul a cup of forgetfulness … and straightway when that soul shall drink of the cup, it forgeteth all the regions to which it hath gone and all the chastisements in which it hath traveled.” — Pitis Sophia (or Book of Wisdom), Div.lV: pg. 278 Translated by G.S.R. Mead

          Liked by 2 people

    • I’m not sure of the proper etiquette here. Is it okay to thank you for reblogging my masterpiece, or is that the purview of the blogger (Chris in this instance)? You know what? I don’t really care, so I’ll say thank you. By the way, I like how you called me “Danny the Stupendous”. It is so much better than my prosaic name, Danny the Dog. How boring! I wish you would have named me instead of Andrew.

      Liked by 2 people

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