Why are Humans SO difficult to train!

Posted on by Chris The Story Reading Ape

well_are_you_going_to_feed_me_or_not

Zoe Gets Fed…..Eventually…..

Greetings to my feline, canine, and humankine friends! (Do not think that is a typo, I have decided to take literary license with reference to my human friends.)

My name is Zoe and I write stories about life with my human, whose name is Emily. Today I have a short story for you about me, Emily, and cabinets. Kitchen cabinets, that is.

The story starts with Emily moving my food to a different cabinet. I don’t know why she did that, actually, but I am sure it was some kind of attempt to trick me into not nosing around for food so often. I also don’t know why she thought the move would trick me. What is this, anyway? Let’s Make A Deal? It especially did not fool me because she chose a cabinet that, just like the last storage cabinet, is floor level—not that an upper cabinet would have made any difference at all. Foolish human!

There is no deceiving moi. I go directly to the correct cabinet and open it, just like I have always done. I know Emily will come in when she hears the door creaking open, just like she has always done, so I sit there, facing the open cabinet. Staring at my food. When I hear her come into the kitchen, I look backward over my shoulder and give her my sweetest smile and my most soulful look. Sometimes I will take my seat at the table and wait to be served.

It doesn’t always work, I must admit. Sometimes she simply closes the door. She is muttering under her breath . . . I guess because most of the upper cabinet doors are usually open too. But she better not blame me for that! She lives with a male human who does not know how to shut them. I know how to, I just refuse to because I know it ticks her off.

If she closes the door without feeding me, I open the door again. And if she closes it again without feeding me, then the minute she leaves the room, I go about and open other cabinet doors. Every one of them. She returns to the kitchen and, sighing deeply, closes each cabinet door. By now, though, she has taken the hint and feeds me—she got fed up but I got fed. I win!

Here’s the kicker, though, the funniest part in my humble opinion. When she wakes up in the morning, she finds all the cabinet doors open once again. What’s the big deal? Me and the male human, we got hungry. Maybe—if she can stay off the computer and away from her precious art table for a bit—then just maybe she can do a better job of keeping us well fed, and we would not be forced to forage every night.

But, I ask you, does she really have to jar us awake every morning with all that slamming around?

BTW, here’s a quick 5 paw lesson for all the other Kitties out there who would like to know the secret of opening doors:

Paw 1 – Check no-one is around to see you

photo 1

Paw 2 – Hook one fang into the edge of the door and walk slowly backwards

photo 2

Paw 3 – use left paw to pull it open further, remove fang and insert head

photo 3

Paw 4 – Look innocent when found in compromising position

photo 4

Paw 5 – Suddenly ‘ discover’ your food stash and indicate it to your human.

photo 5

PS Don’t forget to MEAOW incessantly until your human gets the message

FEED ME!

Zoe (currently residing at Emily’s home HERE)

My Facebook Page is HERE

My Previous Story is HERE

30 thoughts on “Why are Humans SO difficult to train!”

  2. Pingback: Zoe Goes on a Diet | Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog..... An Author Promotions Enterprise!

  4. My mother-in-law’ cat, Missy, is also very smart. She opens doors and drawers of all kinds. Sometimes she hides in the closet she opened because she doesn’t want to be bothered. We love her and like to pet her and scratch under her chin. When we won’t leave her alone, she waits until we get busy doing our own thing. Then she hides from us. She really is smarter than most humans.

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    • Thank you for the reblog, Owllady! I will check your blog but not tonight…as soon as I’m done here, I really must cat-nap….beauty sleep you know!

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  8. Hi Zoe, Elijah Moon here. My food is on shelves in the garage so I can’t admire them. But I figured out what to do. I wait until my human is in the kitchen, then get up on one of the kitchen counters and sit there, staring at her. Occasionally I let out a pathetic mew. Repeat. She gets the message although she is irritatingly slow, like yours. I’m with you, always hungry. She says I am overweight! Imagine that.

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    • Hey Elijah Moon! That’s creative thinking, alright! The one place I did have to give up was kitchen counters…she won on that one, I have to admit. I would like to know how these humans define “overweight”…I mean, is there some cat chart or something? And speaking of food, sort of…what time are we meeting for our cheese party?

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  9. I’ve always wondered what Crystal wants from the cabinet under the sink… no food there. I think it’s her “drum set” — she knows how to open cabinet doors, yet she repeatedly bangs this one. Yeah… must be drums. Hugs! 🐱

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