on Jane Friedman site:

You want to share your truth.

You also want to avoid hurting parents, children, exes—or being further hurt by them.

How can memoirists handle the paradox? The more broadly your story spreads, the more people your words help … and the more likely it is that your book will be seen by someone who is hurt by what you wrote. Your ex might threaten your custody. Your kids might stop talking to you. Your mom might say she’s “not mad, just disappointed.”

We’ve all heard the Anne Lamott quote, “If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

But not everyone feels confident laying out the whole truth.

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