Embarrassing book signings?

Yup, those.

You turn up, breathless with excitement, assured the event has been well-advertised (yeah, never take that for granted. Do your own advertising – always!) to discover lots of chairs laid out, coffee ready – and nobody there.

You sit, biting your nails, trying to look more confident than you feel, and eventually two or three people trail in, wander over to the section allotted to you and sit down.

Hallelujah! You haven’t got to speak to an empty room.

You watch the clock anxiously, and, at last, one more person ambles in.

You catch the host’s eye and telegraph silently, frantically, ‘should I start now?’ and you don’t know whether you want to wait in case there are any latecomers or just get on with it.

Somewhat disappointed but relieved that at least a few have shown up, you manage to fill your hour with what you hope is sparkling entertainment. Two of the audience are even looking at you and smiling.

‘Any questions?’ you encourage.

Blank silence.