First, I would like to introduce myself. I am Danny the Dog and I live on a boat with my human, Andrew. He’s okay … for a human. But today I want to talk about two of my most favorite things in the world.
I want to tell you about my love of hot dogs—chicken hot dogs in particular. Every morning when I take Andrew out for his walk, after we come back, he’ll give me a hot dog. This is something new in our relationship, but I’m not complaining. The thing is that Andrew is so malleable, I have conned him into giving me a second hot dog.
Allow me to explain. I have it down to single-bark commands. The way it works is that I’ll bark once if I want Andrew to do something for me. If he doesn’t hop to within thirty seconds, I bark again, just once. That usually does it. I seldom have to bark a third time. So, after I finish my morning hot dog, I give the command and Andrew brings me another one. I always try for a third, but Andrew isn’t that well trained … yet.
Now on to my next great joy—chasing anything with wheels on it. Don’t you just love to bark at and chase cars? Well, I do. I must admit, I don’t always do it, but when I do, I do it with a vengeance. Once, Andrew had me tied to a tree while he was communing with nature or whatever he does when he’s around trees (I use trees for a completely different purpose). We were behind this building and a big truck, an eighteen-wheeler, came by. I couldn’t resist. I went after it full force. But wouldn’t you know it? The damn leash stopped me two feet from the damn truck! The driver slammed on his brakes and had a pained look on his face because he thought he had run me over. So it wasn’t all for naught.
The last thing I want to tell you about is the time I bounced off the wheel of a pickup truck. Somehow I connived to get off the leash that Andrew insists I be tethered to 24/7. Anyway, he was distracted by something and our neighbor, Beth, came tooling by in her truck. It was too good an opportunity to pass up and I tore out after the offending vehicle. Well, I’m embarrassed to say so, but I misjudged my trajectory and hit the front wheel dead center and bounced off. Poor Beth thought she had run me over. Andrew had a heart attack. And I just stood there with a dazed look and a grin on my face. After all, when Beth stopped, I had won—I had captured the truck!
That’s about it for now. If I hurry, I might be able to catch a few cars before Andrew finds out I’m not on the leash.