To run or not to run, that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? . . . to paraphrase Billy Shakespeare.
Howdy, folks. It’s me, Danny the Dog. I live on a boat with my human, Andrew. Today, I’m here to speak about outrageous fortune. And the outrageous fortune of which I speak is the insidious leash he makes me wear. I mean . . . really . . . just because I’ve run away a few times, he thinks I can’t be trusted. I’m a big boy—I’m almost fourteen years old! I can go out catting (excuse the expression) around at night and still make my way home all by myself.
So here’s my problem. Andrew doesn’t use a regular leash like any sane person would. No, he’s gotta use a line from the boat . . . a twenty-foot-long line, or rope to you landlubbers out there. It’s downright demeaning.
The other night we went to a local biker bar. Andrew doesn’t like going there because he’s a sissy and he thinks the bikers will beat him up, but I bring him anyway. I love the place because the biker girls always crowd around me and pet me and tell me how cute I am. I know that, but it’s always nice to hear. Especially when it comes from women with multiple tattoos claiming they are the property of Big Bear or Grunge or whomever. It makes me feel special.
.
So there we are, Andrew is sitting by himself—naturally. And I’m the star of the show with the females of the pack—naturally. Now, because Andrew does not trust me, he has me tied to a post (it’s an outdoor bar). It was then that it happened. One of the girls felt sorry for me and unclasped the leash. Well, partners, I took off like a bat outta you-know-where, but I didn’t go far. I just wanted to teach Andrew a lesson.
I ran around to the back and hid under a small tool shed, and there I stayed and watched Andrew walk around calling my name. He passed within feet of me about a hundred times. After a while, I felt sorry for the guy and I let my presence be known by a single bark.
.
.
To cut my story short, I miscalculated. I thought if I made Andrew look for me and then showed up on my own, he would forego the leash. But it didn’t work out that way. Now I find myself indoors 24/7, unless I’m taking Andrew for a walk. And then, of course, I’m on the damn leash!
So, my friends, in conclusion, I’d like to paraphrase another great writer, the poet Robert Burns:
“The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ dogs often go astray.”
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Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog 
Reblogged this on TINA FRISCO and commented:
Danny the Dog brings us a not-so-tail-wagging tale from around the marina. He tries to teach his human a lesson, but Andrew is either a bit obtuse or too irritated to get the message! What’s a dog to do? Hop over to The Story Reading Ape and read about Danny’s best laid scheme that went astray 🙂
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Thanks for sharing Danny’s Tale Tina ❤️❤️❤️
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Welcome, Chris. Always a pleasure, especially when it’s Danny! ❤️❤️❤️
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Andrew is more than “a bit obtuse,” he’s very obtuse. By the way, what does obtuse mean? If it means he’s an idiot, then you pegged him.
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Close, Danny; very very close 🙂
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Hey, Danny, Pinky the Cat here. Sorry about the leash. You had a chance at freedom and had to take it like any respectable dog would. As old Huck Finn said, “It was rough living in a houseboat all the time…and so when I couldn’t stand it no longer I lit out.” Tell Andrew that. He’ll be impressed and forgive you. 😺
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I don’t know what’s rough about living on a boat. Maybe back in 1876, but our boat has A/C and when the wind gently moves it to and fro, it’s like being rocked to sleep. But I must admit there is one problem with living with Andrew. Well, there are a lot of problems with living with Andrew, but I’ll save those for another day. The problem of which I allude is that Andrew does not believe in television. He knows that it exists, but he doesn’t want it existing on our boat. That really irks me! I need to know what the Kardashians are up to. I bet your humans are sane. Can you tell me if Kim’s butt has gotten any more air time?
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My humans don’t like television either, Danny. I have no idea what’s happening with the Real Housewives of ANYWHERE.
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Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
Danny the mastermind has been cavorting again… he does like to keep Andrew on his toes but he may have scuppered his boat this time.. Still he is a very handsome chap and very generous with turkey slices.. well he says he is but have not received my promised bounty yet!! The Story Reading Ape is host .. please head over and share..
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Thanks for spreading Danny’s post Sally – Hugs XXX
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Let’s get a few things straight, my human friend. Yes, I am a mastermind and on occasion I do cavort if cavorting is getting into trouble, But I promised you a turkey slice (or two) if you came to visit me. If I mailed you a slice (or two), I’m afraid that a postal worker would sniff it (or them) out and take it (or them) for him or herself.
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To paraphrase Bullet, a dog I used to know “Woof, woof, it’s a dog’s life but give Andrew a break. “.
Hugs
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Woof, woof is always sound advice.
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Danny, I think the reason you are back on the leash is that Andrew was so worried that he had lost you. He loves you, and losing you would be terrible. So try to be nice to Andrew, even though he has you back on the leash.
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Andrew loves me? I thought he was worried about me because I’m his meal ticket. If it wasn’t for me and the hugh royalties I receive from Chris for my monthly columns, Andrew would starve to death. (You don’t think he’s selling any books?) I can always get fed by the girls in the marina. They all love me.
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Hi, Danny, Bobby Dog here. A word of advice, in your frustration to be free don’t, DON’T, chew through the leash. I tried that once when left outside the doctor’s surgery. I hadn’t quiet chewed all the way through when my human returned. She’s replaced the leather leash with a chain one!!! It’s not a heavy chain (fine and classy in fact) but no way am I going to try chewing it.
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Andrew used to have a chain thing around my neck, but I broke it twice. He had me tied to a tree and I took off after another dog and the chained snapped. And it was a pretty thick chain. Admittedly it was in my youth when I was a bit stronger. Andrew thought I was going to break my neck, so we switched to a harness and thick rope. I tried to tell him that I don’t need no stinkin’ leash, but he’s oblivious to my needs. Anyway, Bobby Dog, keep shooting for your freedom. Someday we will prevail and then we canines will rule the earth and all humans will have to wear collars and do our bidding. Of course, I will be president of the earth. Maybe I’ll opt for kingship. I’ll have to think about it.
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Reblogged this on Poetry by Pamela and commented:
Another adventure of one of my favorite dogs (who also happens to own one of my favorite authors).
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You’re one of our favorite people too.
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Hi Danny!
I’m Tink, and Mom just let me post my first article on ADDandSoMuchMore dot com, “Blogging Tips from a Shih Tzu.” (Mom found you in something called a Reader). I added a link to this page in my Related Content section and am looking forward to getting to know you better.
Mom has a leash for me too – but it’s attached to a longer stringy thing that gives me a bit more room to romp when she says it is “appropriate” (whatever THAT means). I don’t think my bar down the street has bikers – it’s what Mom calls a Cheers Bar, where everybody knows my name. My fan club hangs out there, and I get to sit on my own bar stool downstairs so it’s easier for the 2-legs to appreciate me. There is also a big back patio with a fence up some stairs and beyond the pool table (without water?). It has grass, a firepit and lots of room, so sometimes I get to wander a bit there (but not when there is a band – then she keeps me way too close to where she sits so I won’t trip the dancers – or so she says).
If you write anything “related” to anything I write in the future, please drop by and leave a link in the comments section so I can add it into my “Related” section (Mom tells me that many of the two-legs don’t read the comments, so they may have passed that bad habit on to their fur and feather kids.)
You can find the most recent 20 articles on the site by scrolling down on the skinny right column – mine is sort of near the top still. (The landing page is just a bunch of long, boring stuff about Mom.)
Pleased to meetch’
Woof! Tink
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Hi, Tink. I don’t care how long the damn leash is. I don’t romp anymore. I’m fourteen-years-old for God’s sake. But I still want my freedom!!!
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Aw, Danny… I would be your leash handler any day of the week. And I promise NOT to let you get into any trouble (at least none that Andrew would find out about) ❤
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Oh, that sounds like so much fun. It would be so great to go prancing (yes, I prance on occasion — so what?) down the street with a beautiful female holding my leash. And I promise we will get into all sorts of trouble and we won’t breathe a word to Andrew. It will be our secret.
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You sweet talker… I’ll be your street walker anytime.. ❤
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