Introduction
Courtesy of Susan Uttendorfsky
For those who have not yet met me, I was a freelance copy editor for over thirty years.
So what are we going to talk about in this series? Chris and I are of the same mind when it comes to offering information to writers—we want you to learn how to be a good author. So I’ll be sharing wisdom on
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Self-editing
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Revising
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English usage tips
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Helpful resources
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Hiring professionals
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Creative writing skills
We might even incorporate some publishing, marketing, and author platform information. Because—if you haven’t figured this out already—writing the book is only half the battle! The other half is getting it published and then selling it. There are many steps to incorporate in the series.
Today we’re going to look at:
Redundancies in Writing
Writers can be so concerned about expressing themselves that they write it more than once, in different ways, to get the point across. These quick, off-the-cuff examples don’t represent great writing, but they’re based on actual editing customers’ writing. Can you spot the redundancies? Some are subtle.
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The dragon breathed in and out angrily, then shot out fire that swallowed up everything in sight – all of it.
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The tears ran down her cheeks, falling on the note. She sobbed. Would she ever see him again in her lifetime?
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The soldier ran his sword through his opponent. He pierced the man’s heart with his weapon. He killed him without hesitation.
In number one, the phrase “swallowed up everything” is pretty all encompassing, wouldn’t you say? So “in sight” and “all of it” are unnecessary.
In number two, what happens when you sob? Don’t tears run down your cheeks? Also, how else do tears run? Do tears ever run up your face? Gravity doesn’t work that way. These first two sentences might be rewritten this way: “She sobbed over the note” or “Her tears smudged the note’s writing.”
There’s also a very subtle redundancy in the question in number two. The words “ever,” “again,” and “lifetime” all point to the same circumstance, and two of the three can be deleted and the sentence reworked.
Number three is a clump of short sentences, each giving different details of the account. They could easily be wrangled into one smooth sentence, such as, “The soldier’s sword pierced the man’s heart without hesitation.”
Next week we’ll discuss ‘Description Depression’
Susan
Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog 
Reblogged this on The Owl Lady.
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Thanks, Viv!
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Reblogged this on Don Massenzio's Blog.
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Many thanks for reblogging Don – It’s a weekly series that will give you lots of Reblog opportunities if you’d like them 👍😃
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I will take a look. Thanks!
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One of my least favorites now is “continue on.” Where else or how else would you continue?
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Hahaha! Good one! 😀
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Thank you for the information. As I shared with one of the other commenters, I thought I understood redundancies but never thought about the unnecessary words tacked on-like ascended up.
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You’re welcome! Yes, some redundancies can be *extremely* subtle! 😮
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Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
Time for our refresher course .. Editing 101 with Susan Uttendorfsky of Adirondack Editing. Courtesy of The Story Reading Ape.. thanks Susan.
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Many thanks for spreading the word Sally – Hugs 😀 XXX
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Thank you, Sally! 😀
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Reblogged this on TINA FRISCO and commented:
AUTHORS: Christopher Graham is hosting Susan Uttendorfsky on his blog, who is offering a series of posts on editing. Susan has decades of experience, and the series is interactive. Don’t miss this!
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Many thanks for spreading the word Tina 😀 XXX
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You’re welcome, Chris. So glad to do so 🙂
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Muchas gracias, Tina! Ole!
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Cheers, Susan!
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Sue, I’m so glad you chose redundancies as your first topic, because this is exactly what I’m working on in my current manuscript. A big THANK YOU to both Susan and Chris for this fabulous series! 🙂
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Hurrah! They can be tough to spot, Tina, because since you wrote the material, you think the extra wording needs to be there. And unfortunately there is no good way to see them. Reading your material out loud may help… 😀
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Thanks for the advice, Susan 🙂
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Some other common ones would be similar to these (if not these exact ones!). I’ll put the redundant parts in parentheses. It may mean only eliminating a word or two, but throughout an entire MS, that could add up!
He stood (up).
He nodded (his head) (yes).
He shrugged (his shoulders).
He sat (down).
He fell (down).
They shook (hands).
He agreed (with her).
He kicked her (with his feet).
He kissed her softly (with his mouth).
“Stop!” (he shouted). (The exclamation mark says it.)
“Well,” he said (and continued/added/whatever).
These are the ones I see most often in manuscripts. But this link has a great list!
http://grammar.about.com/od/words/a/redundancies.htm
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Thank you for the list. I never stop learning. I thought I understood redundancies, but never thought about these words tucked on to the end.
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Fabulous! Just what I needed Thanks, Susan 🙂
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Thank you, Susan for sharing you gift and experience with us. It’s my understanding that in today’s market, going to agents and traditional publishers with a manuscript that needs little editing helps quite a bit. For that reason your posts are a treasure to me. I read Sol Stein”s “On Writing,” and he made this point too. But isn’t some repetition, rephrased, effective for emphasis?
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Thanks for reading and commenting, Zane. I’m glad you appreciate the information!
Yes, the key word in your comment is some repetition done deliberately. If you’ve done so and you decide to use a professional editor, you might want to flag such a deliberate repetition with a comment so they don’t fix it for you. We’re used to seeing so many done unknowingly that we kind of fix them automatically. 😀
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Good rapport and communication are always viral. Thank you.
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I’m guilty of such redundancies, especially in the first draft. I often go over my work and groan at the excess baggage as it were. I also find things like – ‘He nodded his head’ – what else is ‘he’ going to nod! 😉
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Excellent catch, Melissa! You’ll see I added that one to the list I wrote out above, for Tina. I can’t tell you how often I see that one! Along with “shrugged his shoulders,” it seems to be the most common one.
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