This is Zoe the Fabulous Feline with a fascinating—and of course, fabulous—topic for today’s story. Today I’d like to speak to you about one of the key differences between men and women. And I’m not talking about the plumbing, although, of course, there is that too.

No, I’m talking about that subject which women treasure and men despise. A subject that women welcome and seek out, while men are struck senseless with confusion and fear at just the thought of it all. I’m talking about talking. Conversation. Communication!

I can hear you from here. You’re just a cat. What can a cat tell us about how women and men communicate? I may be just a cat, but I live with a male human and a female human. What can I tell you about how they communicate? I can tell you in one word—differently. Actually, there are many other words I could use, too, to describe what goes on between men and women when they are “talking.” For example, clueless, oblivious, vacuous. Need I say more?

No, I need not, but I have a story to write and a tale to tell, so I will.

Here are just a few examples that support what I have said. Do any of them sound familiar?

He: Talked to Joe today.

She: How is he?

He: Fine. Just got out of the hospital.

She: Oh no! What happened?

He: What do you mean?

She: What do you mean, what do I mean? Why was he in the hospital?

He: I don’t know.

She: How was he feeling? How long was he in?

He: I don’t know.

She: Didn’t you ask him?

He: No.

She: Well, what’d he say happened?

He: He didn’t.

She: Well, then, what did you talk about?

He: Nothing.

* * * * * * *

She: Betty called today. She’s so stressed out. John had a heart attack, and Sonny was arrested.

He: Oh….hmmmm.

* * * * * *

He: What happened? You were supposed to call me.

She: No, you were supposed to call me.

He: Nope, you said you would call after you spoke with the insurance guy.

She: No, no, no! I asked you to call the insurance guy and then call me with the information.

He: That’s not what I remember.

She: Well, that is what I said. Can you call him tomorrow, then?

He: Good idea, call him tomorrow.

She: You call him tomorrow, ok?

He: Oh, you want me to call him?

She: That’s what I just sa . . . forget it, I’ll call him!

He: OK, good, that’s what I thought you said.

* * * * * *

Now, to be sure, there are other differences between the manly sex and the fairer sex. A woman looks in the mirror and sees fat; a man looks in the same mirror and sees Rocky Graziano. (It must be a magic mirror!) A woman expects her man to change after she has reeled him in, but he never does; a man expects his woman to stay the same after he’s put a ring on it, but she never does.

A woman buys shampoo based on its color, fragrance, viscosity, and because the label shows a beautiful woman with a voluminous head of hair; a man buys a bottle of something labeled “shampoo.”

Here are a few other scenarios that might sound familiar to you.

She: Why don’t you ever “like” my Facebook posts?

He: What’s Facebook?

* * * * * *

She: Hon, remember. We’re expected at Lee’s tonight for dinner. Have you showered yet?

He: I showered four nights ago!

* * * * * *

She: I think we’re lost.

He: We are not lost. I just took a short-cut.

She: We should’ve been there an hour ago! Pull into this gas station.

He: Why? I filled up this morning.

* * * * * *

She: I could really go for an ice cream. How about you?

He: Naw. (Drives right past the ice cream parlor)

And later that night . . .

He: I’m horny. You?

She: Naw.

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