MIXED MESSAGE

We were dressed and ready to go out for a dinner and theater evening. We turned on a ‘night light’, flipped the answering machine on, covered our pet parrot and put the cat in the backyard. Then we phoned the local taxi company and requested a ride.

The taxi arrived and, as we opened the front door, the blasted cat scooted back in the house. We didn’t want her shut in the house because she always tries to get at the parrot. So my wife walked out to the taxi while I went back inside to get the cat – who ran upstairs with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife didn’t want the driver to know the house would be empty for the night; so she explained that I would be out in a minute. “My husband’s just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” I said, as we drove away. “That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me, but it worked! So I hauled her downstairs and threw her back out in the yard! She’d better not cr*p in the vegetable garden again!”

The silence in the taxi was deafening.