Danny Gets a Bath

Posted on by Chris The Story Reading Ape

Danny Gets a Bath

Danny Bath 02I’ve had some harrowing tales to tell you folks in days gone by. There was the time I fought it out with an alligator. The time I defeated thirty pirates trying to board our boat in the middle of the night, and the time I met up with that poisonous toad, just to mention a few of my adventures. But they were naught compared to what I am about to convey. If not for my fortitude, my endurance, my character and my all around strength, I don’t know if I could have endured.

Hello, I am Danny the Dog, hero to all canines of the world, and a few females of the human persuasion. I live with my human on our boat in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. His name is Andrew, and as you shall soon see, he is the villain of this piece.

It all started on a warm and sunny autumn day. I wanted to go and visit my friend Beth who lives a few boats over. She is always so nice. Always puts out a bowl of water. Always finds something in the fridge for me. The last time it was turkey. The time before that it was shrimp salad. The shrimp were good, I just spit out the lettuce and the other healthy stuff. But I digress, on with my tale of horror.

I was sitting on the dock, giving reign over my domain. I had given my one-bark command to Andrew to come up out of the boat and take me to Beth’s. I would have gone myself, but Andrew keeps me tethered with a leash, a rope in actuality. He is so cruel!

Well, Andrew came up alright, but I didn’t like the fact that he had dish soap in his hand. I think the brand name was Joy, but there was no joy in my heart when I saw it, for it could only portend one thing, BATH TIME!

I know that some dogs like water and that’s up to them. However, I am more sophisticated. If the Great Being wanted us dogs to fool around with water he would have given us gills to breathe through. And seeing as how He did not, I’ll keep my paws dry if you don’t mind. I mean if you humans had not shown up in the evolutionary scheme of things, how many baths do you think us dogs would have given ourselves over the course of a lifetime? Give up? Then I’ll tell you . . . zero, nada, none. We surely would have rolled in the carcass of a dead animal (so much fun), but no baths. Thankfully, Andrew is a minimalist. He thinks as I do about baths, both for him and me. But every once in a while, he bathes and then that means I have to also.

In a situation like I found myself in that day, it is important to show no fear. Humans can sense it, so I stared at him with a look that said, “One more step with that soap, buddy, and I might just chomp down on your leg!” It did no good, onward he came. Onward came the soap!

Andrew took my harness off and said the biggest cliché in the world, “This going to hurt me a lot more than you.” It took all my will power not to bite him right then and there. Not trusting me, he kept a hold of my fur with one hand as he turned on the hose with the other. Then he wet me! Drenched me in agua! I swear, if I didn’t depend on him for food, I would have bit him. It’s a good thing for Andrew I did not remember about Beth. She will always feed me. And Andrew might be missing a hand right about now.

So the indignity was complete. Soap was administered to my being. I’ll forgo telling of the other ignominies I suffered. Let the record show that I am now a clean dog, albeit against my will.

As soon as I finish typing this, I have to hurry over to Beth’s. I’ve been invited for dinner and maybe a sleep over. Andrew wasn’t invited. He didn’t take a bath today.

Post Script: Andrew insisted I post something for him in exchange for letting me use his stupid computer. Hence, I include the following link: http://andrewjoyce76.com

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26 thoughts on “Danny Gets a Bath”

  2. Danny, humans see things differently with regard to cleanliness. You just have to put up with it and I must say, after I’ve had my oatmeal-based shampoo, I feel particularly lovely and just have to dance around showing off. Sometimes I get a treat or a new collar, too. Your friend, Angel.

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  5. Oh Danny. I love your posts. I allot myself only so much time for blogging. This morning my time was up, but there you were, and I just had to read. I’m sorry about the bath. You can get back at Andrew by finding an old fish carcass and rubbing your face and neck in it. Of course, that will probably get you another bath. So forget I suggested it. Just head over to Beth’s for cheeseburgers.

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  6. So sorry you had to put up with such an indignity as soap and water. Some humans think they can convert their pets to humans, but somehow Andrew missed the mark. He didn’t bathe as well. Such is life. I’d adopt you if I didn’t already have a couple crazy kitties living with me. ❤

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