Danny Goes for a Swim

Posted on by Chris The Story Reading Ape

Danny goes for a swim

It’s been a tough morning and I’d like to tell you, the gentle reader, of my travails. I’m Danny the Dog as I’m sure most of you know by now. And I’m also sure you know of my human, Andrew.

The morning started out as most of my mornings do. At about 5:00 a.m, I wagged my tail, hitting the wall, and then I started in with my patented low growl. The thump … thump … of my tail hitting the wall, coupled with the growl, always awakens Andrew.

It was time to take him for his walk.

He begrudgingly hauled his carcass out of the bunk (on boats, beds are called bunks). He went into the head (bathroom) and did whatever humans do when in that room. Then he opened the hatch (door) and I scampered out onto the deck. Of course, I had to wait for him, I always do. He’s kind of old and decrepit; it takes him awhile to ascend the stairs. Finally, we were on our way. If I had known what was in store for me, I would not have been so anxious to start off on this particular walk.

First off, I must tell you that I love messing with Andrew’s head. I mean I like him and all, he’s not too bad for a human, but I’ve got to keep him in his place. After all, I am the dog and he is only the human.

Now there are a few things that Andrew does not like me to do, but I do them anyway. At the top of his list is that he doesn’t want me biting humans. I say if God did not want us biting humans, He wouldn’t have given them to us to bite in the first place

The other two things on his list are no drinking out of mud puddles and eating food I find on the side of the road, particularly chicken bones. I did both of these things this morning just to let him know who was boss. And maybe I shouldn’t have.

Before we even got out of the marina, I stopped at two puddles and drank my full. Concerning the puddles, Andrew has learned a long time ago that I love rainwater and no way am I ever going to let him pull me away when I’m drinking that delightful muddy water.

The next part of the walk didn’t go as smoothly. You see, I have Andrew conned. He lets me sniff to my heart’s desire where other dogs have been. Maybe “lets me” isn’t the right way to say it. It took a lot of training on my part to get him to be patient while I did what dogs love to do. Anyway, as he was thinking I was on the scent of a dog or some other animal, I was really looking for a chicken bone I had discerned.

When I found said bone, I clapped my jaws on it before Andrew knew what was happening. But even a human as out of touch as Andrew couldn’t help but hear the crunch as I bit into that tasty bone. He tried to pry my mouth open to extract it, but he’s too old and feeble. No way was he going get that delicious bone from me. In the end, he gave up. Counting the mud puddle, that was two for the dog and zip for the human.

Now we come to the crux of the matter (I don’t know what crux means, but it looks good with the “x” at the end).

As I’ve told you before, we usually go to a park on our morning jaunts, but not this morning. There is a lake in the vicinity that Andrew likes to go to, but we mostly go in the late afternoon. Andrew likes to watch the sun go down over the lake. He calls it communing with nature, which is ridiculous. Humans don’t know how to commune with nature, only us dogs know how to do that. Hell, we are a part of nature! Anyway, back to the story.

It’s a nice lake if you like water, I don’t. I’ll drink the stuff, but that’s where I draw the line. On the few occasions that Andrew bathes me, it takes all my willpower not to bite him. Around the lake is also some nice green and soft grass. I love to roll on it. Andrew, being the indolent slob that he is, just lies on the grass without rolling on it at all! Unbelievable!

This morning Andrew did what he always does, he tied the long leash to a tree by the water’s edge, the tree on one end of the leash, me on the other. I didn’t mind, there were some good scents in the air, mostly duck. I love barking at ducks, don’t you? So as Andrew lay recumbent on the grass, I set out to find me a duck to bark at. And it didn’t take long to scrounge up a scent; it led right into the water.

I must not have been paying attention (of course I wasn’t, I was sniffing!) because I found myself on some terra firma that wasn’t that firm. I plunged into the water right up to my neck. It only took me a minute to get back on solid ground, and when I did, I started to shake myself off. But I stopped because Andrew was laughing. He was laughing at me! So I held my instincts in check and went over to Andrew. Then, and only then, did I let loose with the best shake of my life. Now Andrew was almost as wet as me. That stopped his braying.

Andrew was pleased to inform me that falling into the lake was my bad karma for eating the chicken bone. He is always going on about karma and reincarnation. I don’t know about karma, But when it comes to reincarnation, who the hell would want to come back as a human? Not me . . . I might come back as Andrew. God forbid!

BTW – you can catch up with my previous adventures by clicking and starting HERE.

27 thoughts on “Danny Goes for a Swim”

    • Thanks for the kind words. Right now I’m in the middle of reading the collected works of Friedrich Nietzsche, so I’m a little too busy to think about my memoirs. Did you know that Freddy said, “We love life, not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving.” What a bunch of hog wash . . . I love life because I get a hotdog every morning as a reward for taking my human for a walk.

      Like

      Reply

  4. I’m with you, Danny. I HATE water, even though I do like to drink it. My house companion – a cat they named Elijah Moon (what a stupid name) – actually likes water. I’ve seen him swimming in the swimming pool, although mostly he just likes to float around on a mat. Cats are idiots. Loved your adventure, and I know what you mean about chicken bones. My humans watch me like a hawk, especially at Thanksgiving. Yum! Turkey bones. Your friend, Angel

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Andrew and I always have a grand Thanksgiving dinner. He takes me to the McDonald’s drive thru and we get two Big Macs each! I wait all year for Thanksgiving. And if you think you hate water, you should get to know Andrew. He bathes about twice a year. Once in the spring and once before winter sets in. That’s why we have to go through the dive thru. They won’t let him in the store.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • Danny, you have it easy. My human loves showers and loves the hot tub. I only watch her when she’s in the hot tub, but she bathes me in the shower!
        I’m sorry to hear that Andrew only bathes twice a year, You must smell better than he does. I’ve never had a Big Mac but I’m going to ask if I can have one!
        Your friend, Angel.
        PS I’ll have Noelle put a picture of me on her blog one of these days.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

  8. Hey, Danny, this is actually Zoe the Fabulous Feline here–one day I *will have my own account and then you will see my pretty puss instead of my human’s. Anyway, your story brought out my Cheshire grin…big time. All I can say is good for you…there is nothing worse than the smell of wet human!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a reply to huckfinn76 Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.