…gotta ‘fess up right from the start… I am to compoootery communication things as square wheels are to a bicycle… but even my limited capability in manoeuvring through robot instructions online is seldom put to the sword as completely as it was today… picture if yeez will, Master Gallacher attempting to register his receipt of his renewed credit card, and the forlorn tilt at getting it ‘live’… the long-distance (expensive) overseas call to the institution which still risks its credibility by even allowing me to have the plastic money-gobbler gets through after the third try… the tin tones of the Tartaric taskmistress reels off a ‘welcome-to-ZYX-Bank-your-call-may-be-monitored-for-us-all-to-laugh-our-t*ts-off-later-when-we-wind-it-back-in-our-staff-room’…

…followed by a rapid-fire selection of numbers, none of which relate directly to this poor old Scots scribbler’s simple need… when yeez get to number ‘9′, yeez have no alternative but to go through the menu again… on the fifth failed…