THE MONSTER MASH

So, these last few weeks, I have let you into a part of me that I am guessing you had no idea existed. I am a believer in all things spiritual and paranormal. Yes, I even believe in the possibility of other dimensions, life on other planets, Bigfoot; you can call me a goof, but I have it on good authority that these things exist in some form or fashion.

I’m going to share with you why I personally can’t watch many horror movies anymore. Keep in mind, this is an autobiographical look at my life and how it relates to horror films. This isn’t related to any research.

As a child I was never allowed to watch horror movies. In fact, as a child I was ill a lot. I often found myself sleeping on the couch while my mother or father watched TV, my head in their lap trying to rest and find sleep. One particular instance that I remember vividly was sleeping on the couch and I so happened to wake up while my dad was watching Chiller Theater. I saw a set of dimly lit stairs, someone walking down them, and then a creature grabbing the poor unsuspecting person’s ankle. Yes, it terrified me.

As I grew older, I still had a fear of horror movies. I hated The Lost Boys. I tried to watch it at my friend’s house during a sleep over. It gave me nightmares for a month. What was strange, however, is that I remember watching the Halloween series with a boyfriend and I found it fascinating as opposed to horrifying. I know now it was the psychological component that caused me to be able to sit still and watch the movie.

Then I hit my late teens and early twenties and began to realize the tricks of cinematography. I wasn’t so scared anymore. My favorite horror movie is probably Jaws. Of course, it didn’t involved demons or ghosts either. Poltergeist was pretty profound for me. I watched it and it really scared me. It took until college for me to watch The Howling and to this day I can’t say I completely understood it.

When I got married and settled into my new life as a wife, things still made me a little jumpy, understandably so. If you have not watched my YouTube series, Bumps in the Night, then you are probably lost, but at any rate, it wasn’t until I got divorced that the fear of horror moves fell by the wayside. I would say this is in part because my belief system changed. If you don’t believe in heaven and hell anymore, what does it matter? It’s all make-believe anyway, right? That is coming from the mindset of a former atheist, which I am no more.

I watched Saw and The American Werewolf in London and The American Werewolf in Paris along with many, many other movies in the horror genre. Then I saw Amityville Horror, the older version and the newer version. Both captivated me, but both were terrifying. As much as I enjoyed watching Ryan Reynolds, knowing that the movie was based on actual events frightened me. I found as I began working my way through horror movies, the films depicting demonic activity or hauntings put me a little more on edge.

Zombie movies, slasher movies, and those sorts of films didn’t bother me as much and to be honest, I’ve lost interest in those kinds of movies. In fact, I don’t waste my time watching those sorts of things anymore, but before I became enlightened, I remember watching the Final Destination movies and not even cringing.

Then my chemistry changed. Movies that I could stomach before, I couldn’t expose myself to any longer. I tried to watch Hostile. I turned it off when the torture scene began. I couldn’t stomach it. The anxiety was too much for me to deal with.

Here’s another funny tidbit. When I became aware of my abilities and began doing paranormal investigations, I started watching television shows like Celebrity Ghost Stories. I was probably just glad to know that I wasn’t alone or crazy, but after my first botched ghost hunt and the demonic entity in my home, my capability for watching those kinds of programs came to a halt. I tried to continue watching those shows, but I felt uneasy, had nightmares, and had funny feelings when watching, as if I was not alone in the room.

I figured out that there might have been some truth to the fact that movies and programs with such heavy content very well might open a door of some sort. That is what most Christian doctrines say. They preach against watching such things because it is felt that it opens the door, allowing evil to enter. They also say that about anything containing sex or violence. In my case, however,  the door pretty much stays open to the other dimensions, but being hypersensitive to the paranormal and then watching those types of programs overloads my system.

To this day I have never watched The Exorcist and I don’t plan to. I watched The Rite and The Exorcism of Emily Rose and I did find them to be scary, but I handled it. I saw something in them that spoke to the reality of situations, just like when I watched Amityville Horror. It brought to my mind too much realistic possibilities. Feelings I’d experienced as a child resurface.

So are you wondering how I can write about haunted houses, demons, ghosts, and serial killers? To be honest with you, I can’t quite explain to you how it’s possible. It’s just something I do. I won’t tell you it isn’t taxing because it is.

When I write, I see the book and the plot play out in my head like a movie. When I write, I feel what the characters are feeling. I see what they see. I share their experiences. That can often drain my energy. This might be why I can only write in small doses. So, my thought is that watching horror movies tends to do the same thing to me. I relate to the characters as I watch the movie. In my mind I say, “What would I do in a situation like that?” or “I have been in that situation before.” It is almost too personal for me. Again, I also think there is some truth to the fact that it opens a door between this world and the one beyond and not all of the travelers walking through that door are friendly.

Tracee

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