My Stateside friend is on an email roll…

  

Marriage changes passion.

Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president

and from over fifty for Miss America?

When I was young we used to go ‘skinny dipping,’

now I just ‘chunky dunk.’

I signed up for an exercise class

and was told to wear loose fitting clothing.

If I HAD any loose fitting clothing,

I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!

Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life

we could simply press ‘Ctrl Alt Delete’ and start all over?

Don’t argue with an idiot;

people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn’t you know it…

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Bumper sticker: ‘If you can read this, thank a teacher’.

And remember: Life is like a roll of toilet paper.

The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

FINALLY:

Save the Earth…

It’s the only planet with chocolate!