33 Hilariously Absurd Signs That Definitely Have A Great Story Behind Them

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42 thoughts on “33 Hilariously Absurd Signs That Definitely Have A Great Story Behind Them

    • Tina, it’s a popular way to prepare and soften the gum that you’ve pried from under the edge of the bar after you’ve picked out your favorite color/flavor. 30 minutes or so properly marinated in the urinal will restore even years-old bar gum to almost pristine malleability and the flave will pleasantly vary depending upon whether it’s “Irish Beer Night” or “Cinque De Mayo Tequila Shot” night, or, for the sophisticates, “Martini Madness Midnight” at The Executives Lounge!

      I never thought I’d say this… but there evidently *IS* an upside to smoking bans in bars… at least for some folks!

      :>
      MJM

      Liked by 2 people

        • Satire? Me? ::innocent look::

          Actually I’m the head of a VERY serious organization and you should TREAT ME WITH ***RESPECT*** or I shall be ****MORTALLY**** OFFENDED!

          See my work from 20 years ago at: https://assortedtopics.quora.com/AATTAACK

          and from 20 days ago at:

          https://www.quora.com/If-everyone-went-vegan-it-would-end-world-famine-and-the-largest-pollutant-to-the-earth-This-is-clear-logic-What-methods-could-we-use-to-%E2%80%9Cveganise%E2%80%9D/answer/Michael-J-McFadden

          ;>
          MJM

          Liked by 2 people

          • It’s all about control, isn’t it? which translates into money and power. The underlying motive stems from fear. The most controlling egotistical greedmongers are the most fearful. Wealth and power enables them to control their environment and provides a safety net that masks their perceived vulnerability. Fear obscures the ability to extrapolate. The most controlling are also the most fearful…

            Liked by 1 person

        • Ah! Meant to add: The way I judge the success of my satire is usually by a division of audience reactions. Ideally I like to see about 2/3rds of my audience “getting it” while the final third split evenly between those who take it seriously and either support my “view” or attack it as an abomination. :> I like to have some subtle hint(s) near the beginning and then a somewhat more obvious “aluminum foil hat” moment at the very end that will make most people go back and read it with a fresh eye if they hadn’t picked up on it the first time through.

          🙂
          MJM

          Liked by 2 people

          • Tina, here’s one for you straight from the “Satirical Smoke” section of TobakkoNacht: (a bit long for this venue… but I’ll leave that decision in Chris’s hands…)

            ===
            LOVE AND A COKE 45

            It was a dark and stormy night. The glaring lights of the 7-11 Qwickee Mart on the corner sputtered, spangled, and sparked, casting an eerie glow over the surrounding dreary neighborhood.

            A hooded teen pushed in through the doors. The place was empty aside from two store clerks who were jabbering at each other in Lithuanian or Zimbabwum or French or Vietno-Arab-Mongolianese and the teen headed back to the Soda Safes.
            He pulled out a cold can of Coke 45 and ran up to the clerk at the cash register. The clerk started to ring it up while calling out the price when the kid suddenly started shaking the deadly can, priming it to blow before the befuddled bejabberer could reach under the counter for his sawed-off shotgun.

            “HANDS IN THE AIR! NOW!!!” the kid shouted! The merchants of death reached for the sky and backed away as the cold-blooded psycho-killer, a veteran of the Fizz Wars of the ’90s, reached into the open register and grabbed for the cash.

            At that point the braver of the two clerks reached for a Camel, intending to light it and cast a toxic cloud toward the armed teen but the kid was fast, too fast, and the top of the loaded can went off with a BANG!

            Frothing, Fizzling, Foozelling Fantails of Coke 45 suddenly spewed sizzlingly across the intervening space and sent both clerks reeling toward an early grave as the marauding murdering miscreant mustered back out into the night.

            Another sordid tale from the Naked City.
            ===

            :>
            MJM, not a Coke-head…

            Liked by 1 person

          • I love Fizz Wars of the ’90s. And Coke 45 is priceless! I had visions of the Keystone Kops while reading this. Thanks, Michael. Another good laugh at the end of another long day 🙂

            Liked by 2 people

          • Tina, it’s funny how stuff like that just appears in one’s head. I have NOOO idea how that whole little story just appeared on the screen as I typed it or what motivated me to start typing it. There was very little editing involved, and I had so much fun with the word sound strings. 🙂

            Liked by 2 people

          • I know what you mean, Michael. My latest novel was written like that. I had no idea where it would go from day to day, and the words seemed to appear on the screen of their own volition. Nice to meet another panster here in blogland 🙂

            Liked by 2 people

  1. Being a former cashier, I can relate to the “No Money from Underpants” sign. If I were a cashier now, I would definitely wear plastic gloves. People in Florida, especially, who came in off the beach, would always keep their money in their underwear/waistbands. Ick.

    Liked by 1 person

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