Here are the quickies…
On an old maid’s tombstone:
‘Who said you can’t take it with you?’
My wife does bird imitations: She watches me like a hawk.
What’s the difference between a canary with two wings and a canary with one?
A difference of a pinion.
Man cannot live on bread alone… He needs a bit of crumpet!
Acupuncture fees in China are so cheap it is called pin money.
In court last week a clairvoyant sued for divorce on the grounds of her husband’s adultery next week.
‘Have you ever been cross-examined before?
‘Yes your honour, I’m a married man.
‘Guilty. Ten days or two hundred dollars.’
‘I’ll take the two hundred dollars, thanks Judge.’
Did you hear about the butcher’s boy who sat on the bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
‘A little old lady.’
‘A little lady who?’
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